Remember your wedding day. You were so happy and looked forward to getting
much out of life. The days ahead looked so promising like a rosy pink garden
radiant with immense possibilities. You saw days filled with laughter and
nights filled with passion, never once allowing for the disquiet and
devastation that troubles you now. Divorce was merely something that happened
to others, except now it has also happened to you.
I don't know if one can truly get over a divorce like it did not happen. I
think rather that you mend partially, but the core wound remains. You have to
treat a divorce for what it truly is: a termination of relations. It is just
the same as a death in the family. You mourn the demise of a loved one,
likewise you should be sorrowful over the coming to a close of a marriage.
Divorce is a very unpleasant word. Mention the word divorce and you will cast
a depressive feeling on those it threatens. It is just as ugly and hurtful as
the feelings that brew and boil inside of you after it happens. Even in the
seemingly amicable of divorces, there is still that feeling of inadequacy, a
feeling of defeat and that feeling of finality when the papers are signed and
the marriage is legally declared "over." And that is because there is nothing
amicable about getting a divorce. A marriage that ends badly or savagely is
even harder to accomodate. It does not only leave you torn up, it destroys
part of your essence.
Be sorrowful therefore. Permit yourself to recognize your own feelings so as
to keep your health of mind. Do not let anybody talk you out of it. Your
heart is broken , and you know it ! Let it all go. Cry your eyes out into
your pillow, grab your best friend, if you have any other one left, and turn
on the waterworks on her shoulder; but do let it go. Keeping it inside is not
normal. Vent your pains. If you would not cry, write in a journal then; or
sketch a tatoo on yourself. However you want to do it, those feelings of
misfortune and anguish have to come out to give way for the more positive
sensation to burst when you are ready to live again.
After you are done brooding, you might be set to move on to annoyance. After
a painful divorce rage is also a perfectly normal and healthy emotion to have.
Feel like kicking and screaming? Join a kick boxing class and wail and take
it out on a paid professional. You get buff while you vent, it's a totally
win-win situation! Why shouldn’t you be mad? That man stood before God,
friends and family and took an oath he would love you ‘til death would you
part. The last time you checked, neither of you were dead, so that means he
lied to you and that is not fair! You're right, it's not decent and you have
earned every right to be bitter.
Do you need counseling to survive a painful divorce? That is a personal
choice that only you can make. Some people would not go to friends and family
for succor but would feel safe telling their hurts to people they do not know.
An unhappy reality today is that, some people cannot share their most
intimate pain with blood relations, but canlook up a stranger out of the
phone directory and lay themselves bare. And pay them to do it ! If that is
what you need to heal, then get on with it and do not listen to anyone else.
Talking will help, and any one could be listening.
A divorce ends your marriage, but it need not be the end of your life. If you
are open-minded you could even use it to your advantage. Your life is being
re-oriented already, why not take a good and honest look at yourself and do
a face-lift. How about those places you always wanted to travel to, and the
career you wished you could swtch to? Well, your chance has come, the time
is now.? Was there a restaurant that you always wanted to try but could not
get your spouse interested in? Give it a try now,there is no one to stop you.
Sign up for classes at the local community college, or go whole hog and aim
for a degree. Go on-line, meet the world, do anything but keep going because
as dreadful as it seems right now, divorce is not the end of the whole world.
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